A single woman was left reeling after a man she’d been dating for just a month sent her an Excel spreadsheet asking to be reimbursed for all the food, drinks and Ubers he had paid for during their time together.
The 23-year-old, based in the US, took to Reddit‘s Am I Overreacting forum to share the bizarre turn her budding romance had taken – and to ask whether she was wrong to feel shocked.
According to the woman, her 32-year-old date had been ‘very persistent’ in pursuing her from the start, regularly texting, making plans and organising days out and dinner dates – all of which he offered to pay for.
But a month into dating, her suitor decided he wanted to recover the money he’d spent on his date.
After receiving his breakdown of all the expenses for which he expected to be reimbursed, the woman asked others if the behaviour was normal – and the vast majority of readers strongly condemned the 32-year-old man’s actions.
‘Hi everyone,’ she began in her post. ‘I (F23) have been dating this guy (M32) for a little over a month now. He was very persistent in pursuing me, constantly texting, making plans, asking me to go on runs, bike rides and beach days (we live in Florida), and inviting me to dinner, bars and even paying for Ubers to and from his place. We were hanging out at least four times a week.’
She said things had been moving steadily, with her date taking weeks to kiss her, and the impression that he was keen to build a relationship.
‘Then, out of nowhere,’ she continued, ‘he sends me a literal Excel spreadsheet with a breakdown of dates, how much he spent and a column with my name, asking me to reimburse him. I’m attaching it because I truly can’t believe it.’
The woman attached the text and spreadsheet sent to her by her date, asking her to cover the costs of drinks, food and cigarettes
The woman explained that while he had initiated most of the outings, she had also paid for things ‘quite a few times’, including dinners and drinks, without keeping a tally or asking for money back.
‘It felt transactional and weirdly formal, especially since he was the one initiating nearly all the plans,’ she wrote. ‘What’s even more confusing: after sending this, he still insists on seeing me and continuing to date. Like, you want to invoice me and kiss me?’
She ended her post by asking: ‘Am I overreacting or under-reacting? I can’t tell if this is just him being ‘organised’ or if it’s a huge red flag.’
While her experience was certainly original, what followed was an outpouring of online support, and a heated debate over whether her date’s behaviour was just frugal or actually creepy.
The overwhelming majority of commenters urged her to walk away from the man, with many warning that this was just the beginning of a tit-for-tat dynamic that would only get worse.
One user wrote: ‘If this became truly serious, you could expect the entire relationship to be tit-for-tat. I’m all for either a fair split of costs or (as I would assume of someone pursuing a much younger partner) the more stable person kind of spearheading things.
‘Not wrong to be transparent if things are tight, but sending you the spreadsheet is giving American Psycho. RUN.’
Another added: ‘I think OP now has a very good idea why this dude, who has almost 10 years on her, is still single and is pursuing someone much younger than him… no one around his age will put up with this.
‘And he is collecting money for others? That is highly suspect. I would be surprised if that money actually went where it was supposed to go. This guy is a giant cluster of red flags waving around.
‘A 32-year-old man who cannot keep his own expenses and budget in check, especially working two jobs, has other major issues going on.’
As the post gained traction, more details emerged. It turned out the man works two jobs – yet his financial situation appears to be far from stable.
But rather than setting expectations or discussing how they’d handle dating expenses upfront, he chose instead to bill her after the fact.
One commenter shared a similar story: ‘It’s the lack of communication beforehand, for me. My friend dated a guy like this, and for months they alternated paying on dates until one day he sent her an itemised list of how she wasn’t paying enough to balance out what he was paying on his dates.
‘If being hyper equal is so important to you, why would you not say something from the jump, so everyone’s on the same page, or can decide that’s not for them?
‘Thanks to the giant tantrum her boyfriend threw, I now tell people I give to give. Nothing is transactional or expected, nor will I tolerate any transactional micromanaging. It’s so easy to just split the cost of things up front.’
Another user was more blunt: ‘That’s all too much work. Dude is weird, this is a big red flag, and the relationship should be reevaluated altogether.’
While the debate over who pays on dates is a well-worn one, particularly in the era of dating apps and shifting gender norms, the spreadsheet move appears to have crossed a line for many.
