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Occasionally, family members will chip in to a wedding fund if one of their children is getting married.
In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit, one woman explained that her parents gave her $50,000 for a wedding, but that she ultimately decided to use the money for something else.
“My parents gave each of my brothers $50,000 when they graduated from university as a downpayment on their home,” her post began to include context. “When I graduated they did not do the same for me. I asked about it and they said my husband should provide. I wasn’t married. I still lived at home.”
A few years later, she did end up meeting her fiancée and they became engaged a year later. After setting a wedding date, the bride revealed that she received a check in the mail for the same $50,000 her brothers had received for graduating.
“I took the check and we eloped. We then used the check for a downpayment on a house,” the post continued. “My husband had a similar amount saved up so we are in a good spot with equity.”
Her parents ended up being “furious” at the news because they had wanted an elaborate wedding for all of their loved ones to attend.
“They said that they gave me the money for a wedding. My argument is that I got married and had leftover money. Accurate in my books,” the Reddit poster explained.
“My brothers are on their side so I am here to ask if I’m in the wrong.”
After posting, many people took to the comments section to defend the woman’s decision, especially given the “double standard” her parents set for her when compared against her brothers.
“Your family is being horrible and is using a bulls*** double standard,” one comment began.
“They didn’t expect your brothers to use that money for a big wedding, but you have to. They wouldn’t have helped you get a home unless it was through marriage, but your brothers didn’t have that condition and just got the money. And they expected you to have a huge wedding so that they could have fun. Saving up the money is the responsible thing to do and they’re being bad parents if they’d rather you spent it all on a huge wedding you don’t even want.”
Another commenter agreed, writing: “If, for example, this concerned money set aside for education, I’d judge you in the wrong. But $50,000 for a wedding when your brothers got that same amount for a home is outrageous. Seriously, what the heck were they thinking?”
“I also loathe the fact that they wouldn’t have given it to you if you’d preferred to remain single. It’s basically bullying you into marriage.”
Other commenters acknowledged that this was a smart move for the Reddit poster because eloping isn’t free and she did “technically” use the money her parents gave her to spend on a wedding, just not all of it.
“Gifts don’t come with strings attached. Methods of control come with strings attached. Good for you on cutting the strings,” a third comment read.
“They give you $50,000 for your wedding. You used the money for the wedding. They didn’t specify how much you had to spend.”
