It’s not that we’re not careful with our carpets, it’s just that we have two children, and they’re not careful, and carelessness can be contagious. There’s a tipping point, after which you think, “I don’t know why I’m going through the motions of telling them not to smear their hands down the walls. The walls are so far past redemption, I may as well smear my own hands down them, too.” It’s like the broken windows theory: once a certain amount of degradation has occurred, it simply encourages more.
So the Bissell portable carpet and upholstery cleaner (£99) couldn’t have arrived at a better time. If it takes me an age to work out how to use it, this is almost certainly due to my own technical ineptitude. (Although, note to manufacturers: it’s nice to have words in instruction manuals as well as slightly confusing pictures).
Finally I get to work. And my God is it worth the bother. I switch it on, and whatever chemicals I have poured in are sprayed onto the carpet, and a little onto my lip. They’re apparently not caustic so I only panic a bit. It was probably my fault for getting too close, in awe at the wonder of what was happening: it was working. Ancient marks and stains on my carpet disappeared before my eyes. In seconds. Hallelujah! I finally understand the life-changing magic of getting out damned spots.
It’s conceivable, of course, that applying carpet cleaner from a bottle and rubbing the marks with a sponge would bring similar results. But it would require the kind of elbow grease that by this stage in the day I am sorely lacking. Bring on the lazy solution. I can always remortgage the house, if needs be.
- Success level: 9/10
- Satisfaction level: 8/10 (once I’ve worked out how to use it)
- Ease of storage: 3/10
- Overall rating: 8/10
